


tell me about it

by Schmuzz



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Comedy, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oblivious Peter Parker, Secret Marriage, Secret Relationship, Truth Serum, it's not really secret everyone else is just dumb af lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-02 19:31:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18817528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schmuzz/pseuds/Schmuzz
Summary: Everyone knew that supers were like one big happy family. Okay, maybe they weren’t all happy, all the time. And aside from the Fantastic Four, they weren’t much of a family, either. But a lot of them were big enough smartasses to act like a pseudo-sibling, Peter would know. That was why he took the ribbing about his and Wade’s relationship in stride – it was all just a joke. Right?Or: Five times someone made a comment about how awful Deadpool was, and the one time Peter realized they were being serious.





	1. Daredevil

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been slowly chiseling away at a sequel to 'The Only One' - but I wanted to write and publish something and said sequel might have Peter and Wade sharing the POV, so I figured I'd get better at writing things from Spidey's perspective. This was a prompt from a spideypool blog - Peter and Wade are married and Peter thinks any disparaging comment a super makes about Wade is a joke or something else entirely. And then he realizes they're serious.

“Ugh, ninjas? Really?” Wade said with a groan. “I _just_ came back stateside – I wanted some good ol’ fashioned shootouts.”

Peter kicked at a duo of robed men, avoiding their blades and putting them out of commission before they could get to their target. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“Naw, you always pick the best date nights, Webs.”

“You always say that until you get stabbed. Their swords are coated in some kind of toxin,” Peter warned – well, reminded. He and Wade had been enjoying Wade’s first night back by going on a joint patrol through Manhattan. Things hadn’t gotten too crazy, until Peter’s spidey senses rang through his head and brought them to the edge of Hell’s Kitchen. Where, of course, the resident Daredevil had been trying to beat down a drug ring protected by ninjas.

Or some secret immortal clan of fighters called The Hand, but come on, Peter knew ninjas when he saw them.

“I’ll be fine!” There was a clash of metal as Wade’s swords came in contact with another pair.

“Are you sure?” Peter hefted up a barely conscious Matt Murdock. He had a painful looking gash in his side, burning to the touch.

“Yeah, there’s only like… six of them left. Piece of cake. Go save your friend.” Peter frowned – Wade wouldn’t die, but Peter definitely didn’t want to have to stage an emergency extraction because he’d been too weak to get away. On the other hand – Peter _knew_ how bad the Hand’s toxin was. If he didn’t get the cure to Matt soon, he was as good as dead.

“Fine! Don’t get kidnapped.”

“Love you too!”

Peter held Matt close, flying through the various blocks in the neighborhood and going farther south. He had thought of dropping Matt off at his apartment – it was closer – but he also knew the Hand; they tended to trail anyone who got in their way, and Peter didn’t feel like beating off another group of Krav Maga experts while trying to keep Matt from dying. Instead he carried him closer to Greenwich, landing on a stout building and kicking in the access door before barging into the apartment he shared with Wade. He dumped Matt on the couch as gingerly and quickly as he could before rushing over to the kitchen.

“Okay, cure, cure – what was it? Matt?” The other man mumbled something incoherently. “Shit. Uh, okay, okay, think Peter – chemistry 101, easy. What do you do to draw out toxins?” He started opening cabinets, gathering baking soda, vinegar, salt, and running into the bathroom to grab some weird lump of activated charcoal Wade swore by. He mixed everything in with some hot water. “Yeah, okay, that should work… Hope it works.” Rushing over to the couch, Peter turned Matt on his side so he could see the wound more clearly, and he spread the poultice over it.

Immediately, there was a horrible hiss, and Matt yelled out in pain before taking a strained breath and stilling. The apartment was dark, but Peter could see lines of steam from the wound as the toxin combined with the mixture, rendering the once lethal chemical compound harmless.

“Matt?” Peter asked, after a minute.

“…Yeah.” Peter put a hand on the other’s shoulder.

“Thank God. Okay. I’ll get you cleaned up. Stay – stay there.”

“Don’t think I could move,” Matt answered dryly. Peter got Matt out of the blood soaked suit and into some sweatpants. Peter pulled of his mask and gloves and tossed them onto the coffee table, pulling out a well work med kit and getting to work.

“It’s funny,” Peter murmured, as he disinfected a cut on Matt’s cheek. “I can’t remember the last time I had to stitch myself up, and now I have to do it to you.”

“Should I be worried?”

“Nah, it’s like riding a bike, right?” Matt didn’t complain, even as Peter wiped away the black mixture, disinfected it, and started to sew it up. He winced and clenched his fists, but that spoke more to the rawness of the wound than Peter’s nursing skills.

“Have you been lucky lately?” Matt said, voice strained. “If you didn’t need stitches.”

“Lucky? Nah. Wade insists on doing it all for me. I feel kind of bad. Whenever he gets hurt, all he needs is somewhere comfortable to sit and maybe someone to make sure he’s not getting blood all over the carpet. And the walls. And the sheets. You know.” Work done, he packed away the med kit and washed his hands in the kitchen sink. He threw a black zip up hoodie over Matt’s shoulders. The other man didn’t say anything else, and Peter retreated back into his bedroom to hopefully give Matt a chance to rest.

Peter wanted to go out, find Wade, see if he needed help, but he didn’t want to leave. Matt was probably too close to touch-and-go for that. So instead, he kept his eyes on his phone, waiting for Wade to respond to his text, or call back, or just appear in the apartment.

He didn’t even realize he was bouncing his leg until he heard Matt mutter from the living room, “I can’t sleep with you worrying in there.”

“You weren’t going to sleep.” Peter said, leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom. “Knowing you, if I left, you’d stumble into your costume and go out looking for trouble all over again.” Matt smiled at him.

“Like you’d do any different?”

“Hey – _I_ have super healing. You just have some weird… mindfulness meditation technique, or something. Which you could try to do now, you know.”

“Can’t focus. Your anxiety is through the roof.” Matt closed his eyes. “Deadpool is still unkillable, isn’t he?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Then he’ll be fine.”

“’Fine’ can be very vague when it comes to Deadpool,” Peter managed. Matt just snorted.

“Yeah, don’t I know it. Can’t believe _Deadpool_ saved my life.”

Peter smiled. “He’s been known to do that once or twice.”

“At least this time he managed doing it before one of these swords slashed my throat. I swear, between him never shutting up and _you_ never shutting up, and the two of you _together_ – I’m pretty much fighting deaf _and_ blind.”

“So no team red teamups any time soon?” Peter ventured. Matt just sighed, eyes trained on the ceiling.

“Peter,” he said quietly. Matt tended not to use Peter’s real name unless they were meeting as civilians, or if it was something serious. “Peter, do you really think – how do you know Deadpool is _stopping_ the Hand? He just came back from overseas.”

“Yeah, he was on a job.”

“For who?”

Peter shrugged a shoulder. “SHIELD, I think?”

“You don’t know?”

“He goes on a lot of jobs. But I know he’s not working for the Hand. Why would he have let me save you if he was?” Not to mention all the other reasons.

“Distraction, gaining your trust. I was too out of it – I couldn’t hear his heartbeat, but –”

“Matt, Wade does not need to do anything to ‘gain my trust.’ Wade’s clever when he wants to be, but he’s also impatient, can’t do things for the long haul.” Matt nodded. “So even _if_ he was secretly evil and not just, you know, a reformed anti-hero, pretty sure I’d know.”

“How? How would you know?”

Peter was going to respond, until he felt a slight prickling in the back of his neck. Matt stilled, too, tilting his head to one side. “He’s here,” Matt said, just as a knock sounded at the front door.

“Here. I’ll tell Wade not to get a good look at you, he’s good about that.” Peter reached behind Matt and tugged the hood of the jacket low over his eyes.

Peter pulled open the door and knew he was grinning, ear to ear, even before Wade swept him up in a hug. Their chests pressed together, and Peter could feel both their hearts racing; not from the adrenaline or being in a fight, not even from the relief of seeing the other unharmed – he was just so _happy_ Wade was back home again.

Peter reluctantly pulled away, feeling tacky blood stick to his hands when he pressed along Wade’s side. “Didn’t make it home in once piece, did you?”

“Okay, so the poison swords? Those really do hurt.” Peter sighed, but his smile didn’t disappear. “I think I got most of them. Left them out for the cops to apprehend. Assuming they don’t find a way to commit seppuku with their karate belts or something, we should be good to go. How’s our favorite horny boy?”

Peter wrinkled his nose, leading Wade back into the living room. “Don’t call him that. And he’s fine, right, buddy?” Matt raised a weak hand in the air. “He’s gonna crash here tonight, I think.”

“Team Red sleepover? I’m down.”

“You’re covered in blood and the remnants of some stupidly lethal toxin. Go take a shower.” He elbowed Wade in that direction and the other man left easily enough. “I’ll tell him to keep to the bedroom once he gets out,” Wade had always been good about not seeking out a super’s secret identity, but it was still a sensitive topic for someone like Daredevil. Just because Peter Parker and Matt Murdock could hang out in or out of the suits didn’t mean the vigilante would appreciate his alter ego getting spread around to anyone else, Peter’s S.O. or not.

“Alright,” Peter said, sitting on the coffee table. “What were we talking about?” Matt tugged the hood back and faced Peter’s direction. His eyebrows raised slightly like he had just heard a particularly interesting tidbit.

“Nothing. We were just…” Matt hesitated. “I apologize. Maybe I was too quick to judge.”

Peter furrowed his eyebrows. Apology? For what? Getting stabbed? Matt did have a guilt complex about as deep as the Marianas Trench. “Uh, don’t be? It’s fine, really. The important thing is that those members of the Hand won’t be able to hurt anyone else tonight.”

Matt nodded. “You’re a good man, Peter. And I guess Deadpool, too.”

“I’ll tell him. I’m sure he’ll get a kick out of it. I’m gonna do a scope of the neighborhood to make sure we didn’t track anything in. Do you want anything? Food, medicine?” Matt shook his head, and Peter tugged his mask and gloves back on before leaping out of the living room window, doing a perimeter check.

There were no murderous ninjas around, so far as Peter and his spidey senses could tell, and with that done, he swung back home. Matt had fallen asleep, or was doing a convincing job pretending he was asleep, so Peter crept into the bedroom, shutting the door.  Wade was kneeling by the closet, an overstuffed suitcase on the floor in front of him.

"Well,” Peter said with a sigh, stretching his arms above his head. “Not exactly the reunion I was hoping for.” He peeled off his suit and tugged on some pajamas. “I’d say that we shouldn’t have gone out, but –”

“Hey, it’s fine,” Wade interrupted. “You had a friend to help, I had ninjas to fight – again. And now,” he said, getting up and nearly skipping over to Peter, “ _we_ have freshly imported sake to drink, like forty different flavors of Kit-Kats to try, and some Netflix to chill to.” Wade deposited about ten pounds of candy on the bedspread, alongside some glass bottles before settling on his side of the mattress and flicking on the TV that was set up on their dresser.

“Chill as in relax. Matt can probably hear this entire apartment building.”

“But that’s part of the long game! Team Red can be more than just combo attacking bad guys, you know?” Peter snorted, jumping into bed next to Wade and grabbing a fistful of candy.

“Yeah, no. I think the Catholic guilt would make him explode.”

“Worth a shot,” Wade said, pressing close to Peter’s side as they settled in. Peter pressed back.

“Hey,” 

“Hm?” 

“I’m so glad you’re home,” Peter said, finding himself grinning again. It was funny – he swore his heart never stopped fluttering on nights like these, when Wade was back and they were catching up, whatever time passed while they were apart becoming insignificant in a matter of minutes. He was sure tomorrow Matt was gonna tease him for it; to a man like Daredevil, Peter’s love for Wade wasn’t just written all over his face.

“So am I,” Wade murmured, pulling Peter in for a kiss. “Can we watch Planet Earth first?” Peter laughed, leaned back, and told Wade to knock himself out.


	2. Doctor Strange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, who doesn't enjoy a little truth serum fun? 
> 
> Any suggestions for who/what should feature in chapter three, leave a comment!

“Come on, Wade,” Peter groused, trying to adjust his grip on the other man without shifting so much that he dropped him. Usually when Wade wanted to hitch a ride with him, he ended up talking too loudly, way too close to his ear. It was enough to balance the line of conversation Wade was keeping up as well as dodging any birds or banners or cars when he swung low enough, and God help him if they were trying to get some distance from a villain, too.

Luckily, they had already gotten rid of the main threat – evil wizard, of course. Not before the robed man managed to zap Wade with _something_ that was making him a lot more difficult to deal with than usual.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this,” Wade said. He wasn’t overly loud – practically murmuring in Peter’s ear. His voice was already low, rough and a little broken sounding from the scar tissue on his vocal cords. “The wind, the speed, flying up and dropping down – being next to you the whole time. It’s my favorite way to travel, you know?”

“Beats taking the subway,” Peter managed. Wade sighed, his hand tightening along Peter’s waist.

“I’m not afraid of heights, but if I was with anyone else, I think I might hate this,” Wade admitted. He was doing a lot of that recently. Peter wanted to put his money on a truth serum, but he wasn’t versed in magic, which was why they were making their way towards Bleecker Street. “But I know you wouldn’t let me fall.”

“Of course I wouldn’t,” Peter responded, immediately.

“A lot of other people don’t think much about it. I’d come back from that.”

Peter grimaced. “Yes, but it hurts, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah. A lot.”

“I don’t want to do anything that will hurt you.”

“I know. I’ve known that for years.” Wade said as Peter swung in a wide arc, taking them down the aforementioned street before getting safely to the ground.

“Alright, we’re here. I think Doctor Strange is home. I hope he’s home.”

“That guy doesn’t like me,” Wade commented immediately. No joke or pop culture reference, just his unfettered thoughts. “Then again, most people don’t like –"

“Strange is about as prickly as a cactus, Wade. Don’t take it personally,” Peter said, cutting Wade off before his self-deprecation could turn into a tangent.

“But he’ll see you because you’re – well. Amazing, superior, fantastical, unbelievable –” Wade ticked off his fingers. “What other adjectives can I do?” Peter snorted, smiling under his mask.

“Nah, he just owes me.” Dragging Wade up the steps to the Sanctum Sanctorum, Peter knocked on the door. “Strange! It’s me! Uh, Spider-man. And Deadpool. Deadpool needs help. Some sort of –” The door creaked open into the dim foyer of the estate. Peter adjusted his grip on Wade and marched through – only to nearly fall over each other as they were transported into a study Strange was occupying. He looked up from one of his ancient tomes as though he hadn’t expected them to be there.

“I hate when you do that,” Peter managed, before dropping Wade into a chair.

“Who needs to walk?” Strange said, wearing an expression close to a self-satisfied smirk.

“Yeah Webs, this is a guy who wears yellow rubber gloves as a part of his outfit,” Wade said from his spot, “he needs to show everyone how impressive he is to compensate for the fashion disaster.”

Strange looked over at Wade with a raised eyebrow. “Uh. Yeah – evil wizard. Truth serum. So.” Peter gestured at Wade.

“I see.” Strange glanced over at his books. “I don’t have what I need here. One moment.” He drew an orange portal on the wall and stepped through. The portal closed, and they were alone. Peter sank into the seat next to Wade. The Sanctum looked far older than the actual date on the building – like they had stepped into an old monastery, or an ancient palace. The rafters were high, and Peter felt like his surroundings should be coated in a layer of dust, though everything was, in fact, clean.

“Hmph, thinks he’s all important. ‘Look at me, I played Sherlock Holmes and I’m one of the six actors the BBC knows.’” Wade said. “Tell him capes are old school, Peter.”

“Wade, Strange is going to help you,” he said, “Also I have no idea how any of that relates to Strange. Like, at all.”

“Yeah. Right. This is fine – by which I mean things are not fine. I’m really uncomfortable right now and I’d like to go home. I mean, maybe this just wears off on its own, you know?”

Peter frowned. “Is – do you and Strange have some sort of history?” Peter would feel awful if he dragged Wade to a location of some old rival.

“No, it’s just – I’m telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth right now! I’m being honest with my feelings around other people. It’s like my worst nightmare, next to something bad happening to you.” Peter could see Wade's eyes widen beneath his mask. "Wait. What if Strange asks me who you are? And your weaknesses and - I can't do that to you! Oh God. You shouldn't have brought me here."

"He's' not going to do that, Wade."

"How do you know? You know how much heroes love contingency plans. He is _so_ the type to plan how to beat other heroes in case of some cataclysmic event. Or what if he turns evil, huh, Webs? That happens. He could even -"

Wade was spiraling. Peter looked around the room, but Strange had yet to reappear, and Peter couldn’t sense anyone else around. He slipped off his mask. “Wade, look at me. Breathe. You're okay. I won't let anything bad happen to you."

Wade turned to look at him head on, and let out a breath of air. “Okay, this makes things a little better.”

“Good.” Wade was still staring at him.

“Pretty sure I could stare at your face all day and not get bored.” Peter fought down a blush. “Do you know my favorite thing about you might be your mouth?”

And fighting down the blush decidedly failed right then. “Wade,” he said warningly. The other man wasn’t good about hiding his attraction and R-rated plans for Peter in the best of times, so he didn’t know what Wade would start talking about now.

He wasn’t expecting Wade to tentatively reach for his hand. “When we first met, and I was still kind of fighting you when our paths crossed – you’re a crazy skilled fighter, Webs. Like, really. You’re fucking _fast._ And strong, and smart, and – I knew you were a really _super_ superhero, but you were just in a costume for so long, I kind of thought of you as something even more than that." He linked their fingers together. "The first time we actually hung out long enough that we got food and I saw you roll up your mask – you were just a man under there. And it was the most skin I saw for a long time… so I guess it became my favorite.”

“Oh.” Peter blinked. That had not been what he was expecting. “Thanks.”

“I mean I like all of you. Head to toe. Really. Your hair, your eyes, even your knees! I mean I guess there _are_ weird habits and stuff but I guess when you love someone it doesn’t really matter that much. You know I love you, right?” Wade said abruptly, running his thumbs along Peter’s wrist, staring down at where they were touching. “I mean, yeah, you know. I’m obvious, right? Like, clingy, obnoxious – you've known that for years.”

“You don’t have to apologize for loving me, you idiot.” Peter said, unable to disguise the fondness in his voice even if he wanted to. He reached over with his free hand and dug through one of Wade’s pouches, pulling out a magnet. It was stupid – one of their first dates as their civilian identities instead of hanging out on a rooftop after a mission. Wade had wanted to bring Peter to a science exhibition where they were doing a live demonstration of some new transportation technology.

Of course, as soon as the test went live a bunch of AIM assassins had broken in, trying to steal the tech for their shady organization. Wade had covered for the two of them while Peter got into the spidey suit, and the evening ended with them getting thrown around before ultimately defeating the bad guys – and getting banned from the museum themselves for property damage. Peter had picked up a magnet that was stuck to Wade’s charged katanas and told him to keep it as a reminder of why they weren’t going to be doing normal dates again. And Wade… Wade had kept it. Even in those first rocky months where Peter didn't know how he felt about Wade, the two of them trying to figure out if they could even _work_ as a romantic item, and all the big and little fights they had since then… he kept it. Peter knew he took it with him on every mission ever, knew what pouch he kept it in, too.

He pressed the gaudy little magnet into Wade’s palm now. “I love you, too.” Wade tentatively closed his fingers around the magnet and nodded. “Don’t you ever forget that.”

“I won’t. I mean who knows what sort of weird memory shit is gonna happen to us – don’t make any deals with the devil to erase our marriage and stuff, you know.”

“Make deals with – to what?”

Wade shook his head. Just then Dr. Strange reemerged from the portal, delicately flipping through an ancient looking text. He was behind the pair of them, so Peter had time to slip his mask back on before Strange could see his face. Wade surreptitiously slipped the magnet back into a pouch - truth serum or no, it was their shared memory, no one else's. 

“I believe I’ve found the right spell to counteract this.” Strange’s eyes flickered between the two of them. “Deadpool, if you’ll follow me.”

“Aw, Spidey can’t come too? He makes me feel safe.” Wade’s cheerful tone was belied by the way he squeezed Peter’s hand.

“It will take but a moment. And I’m not here to hurt you.”

Wade giggled, a little frantically. “Yeah, I know – kind of. But I mean, the list of people who _have_ hurt me is pretty long. Friends, family, coworkers. Uh. Pretty much every super ever? I mean, even Spidey, but that was ages ago, before I got my head on straight. These days we just fight over what sort of takeout we’re gonna eat,” he babbled. “Wait, you used to be a doctor, right? Actually, don’t answer that. That doesn’t make me feel better. You ever heard of Weapon X? Pretty sure that had some doctors in there, too. And I mean, look what they did to me!” Strange glanced at Peter, who just shrugged helplessly and stood up.

“Come on, we can go together. I’ll hang back and watch the whole thing.”

“And protect me with your bulging muscles, right?”

“Yes, Wade.”

“I mean it’s like – I told you that is a major thing for me, right? You’re as strong as the Juggernaut. You could literally rip me in half.”

“I’m not gonna rip you in half.”

“But you could! And you’re so… nice. And gentle. And you and I get along so well and I trust you with everything and –” Strange coughed.

“Sorry,” Peter said sheepishly. “Truth serums, right?”

“Right. Both of you, then. Follow me.” Strange said that, although they barely took two steps before they were in another room that was laden with a mix of herbs and beakers, looking half between a fairy tale witch’s room and a science lab. Strange dumped a few things together into a thick sludge before saying a particular incantation. The dark liquid turned orange as it was imbued with magic, before fizzling out. He passed it over to Wade. 

“This won’t kill me, right?” Wade said, lifting up the bottom part of his mask to expose his mouth. “I mean, you know, it doesn’t matter. But Spidey here doesn’t like seeing me die whether or not I get back up, so.”

“No, it won’t kill you. The spell was imbued into your being, not just layered on top. So you’ll have to flush it out with that.” Strange nodded at the drink. 

Peter squeezed the man's hand one last time before letting go and taking a step back. With magic, you never knew what the splash radius would be. “You can do it, Wade,” he encouraged.

“Right. Yeah. If you think I can do it then I can definitely do it. Or I’ll make myself be able to do it, because I think I’d rather die for real than actually disappoint you, you know? I mean there’s second chances, and then there’s like, your _twentieth_ chance which is what I’m on with you, I feel like, and – fuck this is embarrassing. Bottoms up!” Wade downed the drink, wincing at the taste.

Nothing happened.

“Do you feel different?” Peter asked.

“Uh… I think I do. I feel… um.” Wade pulled a face. “Like when we went to that shady falafel stand on 65th.” He passed the glass to Peter, gagging and running from the room. Strange created a new portal and pushed it so it followed Wade, swallowing him up and making him disappear.

“Where did you send him?” Peter asked, handing Strange the container.

“Bathroom, second floor. That spell was a nasty piece of work. He’ll be throwing up everything for the next couple of minutes.”

“Gross. Remind me not to get into fights with any magic users, ever.”

“I say that to myself every time I fight one. Somehow they still keep showing up.” Strange inclined his head and the pair were back in the study from a minute prior. Peter sat down on one of the chairs.

“Thanks for that,” he managed. “Wade talks nonstop, but he hates people knowing how he really feels.”

“He did say it was embarrassing after waxing poetic about impressing you,” Strange noted, sitting across from the younger hero. Peter smiled to himself.

“Yeah. That was mostly what he did while you were gone.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Went full rom-com confessional on me.” Peter was honestly glad that was all it had been. Wade had a lot of nasty history he could dig up, things even Peter didn’t know about, he was sure. He wouldn’t want to learn things about Wade against his will like that. It was why he had taken off his mask when he felt Wade was going down a rabbit hole of his fears and worries – Peter usually ended up being a good enough distraction if Wade needed to take a step back from the precipice.

Strange fixed him with a serious look. “Spider-man,” the other began, “I know Wade is under this spell to tell the truth, but that doesn’t mean you should feel compelled to respond to his advances.”

“Uh… okay?” He blinked, and Strange’s expression softened somewhat.

“What I mean is, no one would blame you for turning a man of his… character… away. You shouldn’t feel indebted to him.”

Peter tried to parse Strange's words. “...Pity him, you mean.”

“In a sense.”

“Oh. Well, you don’t have to worry about _that._ Trust me. It’s all water under the bridge. I know how to handle him,” Peter said, waving his hand. Wade's confessions  _had_ embarrassed him, back when they first met. It wasn't until later he realized Wade had meant everything he said, and had been earnest about impressing Peter and wanting to be with him. Now they just reaffirmed what he already knew.

“You mean you knew of Wade’s feelings for you?”

“Oh sure, he makes that obvious.” He was actually happy that Wade _did_ make it obvious. Peter wasn’t a stranger to self-deprecation, either. He didn’t mind getting reminded of where he stood in the other man’s life.

“And… you don’t mind?”

“I think if I minded I wouldn’t be with him. I certainly wouldn’t want to hang around with him while he was on a truth serum.” 

Strange hummed thoughtfully. “You’re a noble person – I assumed you may have forced yourself to shoulder the burden to help someone who needed it.”

Peter rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess. But really. It doesn’t bother me. I mean some of it can get sappy, but I’m used to it all by now. Really. Truth serum or no, I’ve heard it all. This won’t change anything between us.” Strange furrowed his brow for a moment before nodding, and leaning back in his chair.

“That’s good to hear, then.”

Somewhere below them, there was a crash, followed by footsteps, and a, “I can pay for that!” Strange sighed.

“I think that’s a sign you can take your leave,” he said. Peter was halfway to standing when he found himself in the foyer of the manor, Wade swaying on his feet.

“Hey, watch it! I think I threw up a lung back there.” Wade grimaced again.

“Let me know if there are any complications,” Strange said. “Though there won’t be.”

“Thanks again,” Peter said. Wade saluted the good doctor, and they were out on the street again, the door of the Sanctum slamming shut behind them. “Alright. Do you think it worked?" Peter asked as they started walking down the stoop.

"Uh, yeah. I think?"

"Lie about something.”

“Uh…” Wade thought for a minute. “I hate you. You’re just the worst, you’re not funny, you have a flat ass, and marrying you is my biggest regret.” He paused. “Yeah, I'm cured.”

“Really, you sure?” Peter said dryly. “Anything else you wanna confess? Secret habits that annoy you? Are you having an affair with an old mercenary buddy, maybe?” They both laughed, continuing their walk.

“I didn’t do anything too embarrassing, right?” Wade asked, sheepishly.

“Nah, it was all really sweet. I think all the frank talk about feelings made Strange uncomfortable. That’s why he kicked us out,” Peter teased.

“He couldn’t handle it.” Wade boasted, and Peter smiled, and opening his arm. Wade immediately pressed himself into his side, holding on as Peter shot a web and propelled them up, past the townhouses and further into the business district, going higher and higher as they went.

There wasn’t anything to say – just the sun hitting their bodies as they moved through the air, wind feeling like a pleasant breeze with their suits acting as a protective barrier, and the whole of Manhattan opening up beneath them. It really was an amazing sight. Peter tilted his head towards Wade and whispered his name to catch his attention.

“Hm? What is it?”

 “I know I didn't get hit with a truth serum, but I hope you know that I love you, too.” Wade's hand tightened on Peter's waist.

"Yeah. I know." 


	3. Captain America

“Stop staring at me like that!”

“I’m not staring,” Peter groused.

“Yes you are!”

“I’m wearing a mask, you don’t know where I’m looking.”

“You’re looking at me because you’re pissed off. At me.” Wade said, the pair of them walking through the rubble caused by New York’s most recent run-in with an extraterrestrial life form.

“Wow, you’re telling me your higher cognitive functions are working _now,_ huh?”

“They were working the whole time. The aliens are dead, and my plan worked!” They gathered around the informal debriefing that was being held by Captain America himself. Some of the Avengers and a few other, non-affiliated supers were in the area, covered in dust, sweat, and blood. Typical fare for an alien invasion, but from the glances thrown towards the advancing pair, they all knew what Spider-man’s criticisms of Deadpool were about.

Good ol’ Cap had rounded the troops when the first space craft landed on top of a Hilton and troops began pouring out. The amount of superheroes in the city had swelled since the Chitauri invasion years ago, and their technology and priorities had shifted, too. A lot of civilians loved supers still, of course, but the ire around the massive amounts of public damage grew with every super villain and otherworldly threat. The main response of any invasion these days was to destroy or subdue the invading fleet with as little damage to the city as possible. New York was already stupid expensive to live in without getting into the cost of rebuilding infrastructure every three months.

Things had been going well, at first. Peter had been getting the remaining civilians out of harm’s way and capturing the invaders with his webs. Wade was closer to ground zero, and since Cap had allowed lethal force, Wade had been all too happy to find out exactly how to kill beings that looked like a weird, bionic lovechild of a kangaroo and a komodo dragon.

Peter couldn’t help but feel proud. Wade had been instated as something like an intern for the Avengers – he did his own thing until bigger threats or missions that could use his expertise came up. And this was the first large-scale, all hands on deck disaster that he had been involved in. Even though they hadn’t been fighting side-by-side, Peter would occasionally end up in Wade’s path and see how serious and efficient the other man was being – making sure the aliens were put down before they could destroy a building or fire into the fleeing crowds.

But then… “The Captain _said_ not to engage with their leader!” Peter said, a few notches away from yelling. “You totally engaged with their leader!”

“Yeah, but that was because –”

“Deadpool,” the Captain interrupted, now that they were close enough. The man was similarly dust-coated and exhausted. Peter had seen him and Iron Man struggle to hold up the edge of a collapsed wall while the last few civilians ran out from under it. Which wouldn’t have _happened_ if Wade had _listened_ to the man. “Let’s go over what happened today, shall we?”

Peter glanced up. Iron Man was still flying overhead, and Hawkeye hadn’t come down from his perch to join the party, but Peter felt like this was going to be more of a one-on-one conversation anyway.

“Uh…” Wade threw another look at Peter, who answered it with a glare. “Sure. Okay.”

“Do you remember what I told you to do as a part of the team’s attack strategy?”

“Kill low ranking grunts without hurting any pedestrians and trying my very best to make the roads not worse than New Jerseys?”

Rogers pursed his lips for a moment. “Right. Close enough. And what did you do?”

“Besides being a self-sacrificing idiot,” Peter muttered, crossing his arms.

“Well – okay, first of all, I can’t die, so don’t bring that up.”

“Okay, we know that you can die provided there are certain extenuating circumstances,” Peter argued, unable to reel himself in.

“Which there weren’t today.”

“You don’t know that, they’re aliens! That’s a top tier form of extenuating circumstance.”

“Yeah but these aliens were –”

“Spider-man. Deadpool.” Cap stared at them both before nodding at Wade.

“Alright, Sorry. So look, Cap. I know you said you needed to speak to the leader when you finally managed to get him to beam down from that ship, right? Because you know, ‘take me to your leader’ is definitely not a shtick by now –”

“You had an order, Deadpool. We gave you and _every_ hero here orders to keep everyone safe.” Peter had to admire Cap’s restraint. He could feel his own energy pulsing just under the surface. They had been doing so _well,_ and then Wade went and did – that.

“Yes, I understand that,” Wade said, words coming out slowly as he shifted from one side to another.

“Do you? Do you understand the gravity of this situation? We knew the creatures were violent, but we didn’t know anything beyond that – and now we have no idea if there was something in particular they were after, or if they’ll be sending reinforcements. And not only _that,_ ” the Captain continued, “but that creature had somehow been mentally linked to the ship, and you shooting him caused a system failure that crashed the spacecraft overhead and nearly destroyed four city blocks as a result. Who knows how much it will be to repair all of this. Iron Man is still doing scans of the area to see if there are civilians trapped inside those buildings, or injured, or _dead."_

Wade winced. “Yeah, but – I did it for a reason.”

“But was it a sound reason?” Cap pressed. “Or did you just go with a gut instinct? That’s fine for knee-jerk decisions, sometimes, but we don’t plan battle strategies for _fun._ If we go with a hunch for everything our entire lives, we’re operating as glorified animals.”

“…Spider-man operates on instincts,” Wade said, giving him another sidelong glance.

“Wade. I swear to God. Why did you – I mean what possessed you to –” Peter felt the words get stuck in his throat.

“This!” Wade pulled something out of his pocket and threw it towards Peter, who caught it easily. It looked to be a small, metallic cube. “These assholes are called Kurvos, by the way. Put that in your Hitchhiker’s Guide and thank me later. Or don’t. No one ever does.” Wade stalked off, surprisingly ignoring the Captain’s shouts. Peter’s hand closed tight around the cube as he watched his better half leave the way he had come.

“Wade…” He murmured, though the other man didn’t hear him. Peter glanced down at the cube again. He hadn’t seen it before – nor anything like it on the other grunts, but it was clearly a piece of alien tech. He showed it to the Captain.

“The leader was holding that before Wade killed him,” the other man said, taking the cube from Peter and examining it.

“Do you think Stark can crack this?”

“Sure. Might be a clue.”

“Clue or a homing beacon,” Tony said, having probably heard the whole exchange through the comms. “Finished my scans, but the first responders are already helping out the stragglers. Give it here.” Cap tossed it up, and Stark caught it, gauntlet closing protectively around the object. “Meet you in the Tower.” And with that he flew off.

Peter sucked on his teeth, watching the red and gold figure fly away. His first reaction was to web towards the Tower, meet Stark and help him decrypt what they had found, but he couldn’t push down the discomfort at leaving Wade.

Even if the other man had stormed off, even if he had just racked up about a billion dollars in property damage for one dumbass move with no known motive… Well.

Maybe this was the relationship talking – the ingrained need you had to want to excuse your partner’s actions because you _wanted_ to believe they were a good person. But even if the other Avengers didn’t realize it, Wade had a knack for finding the needle in the haystack, so to speak. Whether that be weapons, information, people, authentic ethnic restaurants in Brooklyn, anything the man deemed important usually ended up panning out. Everyone else would probably dub that a ‘difficultly following directions from others when he had a personal ‘hunch’’, though.

Peter was upset about Wade not listening to Captain freaking _America_ , of all people, but he also had the sneaking suspicion that this cube might prove Wade right. Maybe.

He was also a self-sacrificing idiot who shouldn’t run away from his problems.

Peter sighed.

“It’s alright, Spider-man,” the Captain said, hand on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault.”

“No, I know. It’s just –” Peter gestured towards where Wade had left. He didn’t know how to tell the other super that he had a feeling Wade might be _right._

“You aren’t Deadpool’s keeper.” Peter turned – that was decided _not_ a Captain America voice. No, that was a kind, understanding Steve Rogers sort of inflection. The other man continued. “I appreciate all you do at keeping him in line, but he’s his own person who can make his own choices. And mistakes.”

Peter bit his lip and ducked his head. “Yeah, he’s whipped, alright. But you’re right – we both need to cool off. I’ll talk to him later.”

“You’re very dedicated to him,” Steve noted. He was looking at Peter with an expression he couldn’t quite place.

“… I mean. It’s the same way for him, you know. Even if he shows it, uh. Differently.”

Steve clapped him on the back and started walking. Peter found himself trailing at his side. “You work well with others, even people that are challenging at times. I think you’d make a good member of the Avengers, you know.”

“I know, you’ve said it before.”

Steve shrugged. “Worth saying again.” Peter didn’t have the heart to tell the man that he was wrong – Peter had never been the best at being a team player. He was moody, had a propensity for being righteous, and picking at issues and crimes and _people_ that really ought to be left alone.

Sounded familiar didn’t it?

Ironically, he and Wade were _married,_ and in the first several years of them knowing each other, Peter had hate working with the guy, their temporary partnerships ending in fights more often than not.

Nowadays, though, Peter had to fight the urge to glance over his shoulder, hoping and fearing in the same breath that Wade would see him walking off with other heroes and give Wade the unfounded notion that he preferred them over Wade himself.

“No offense, Cap, but Wade and I teaming up is more than enough for me.” Steve glanced over his shoulder and Peter swore he saw the man rolling his eyes.

“I can imagine.”

Steve was trying to shoot for camaraderie, Peter guessed, but really, it just made him feel worse.

 

-

 

Peter wasn’t a fan of doing lab work while still in his suit, but he still had the whole secret identity thing going for him, so he was stuck. He couldn’t help but wonder, of course, how many heroes knew who he was outside of the costume. They knew Deadpool’s legal name, so it really would have been as simple as finding any marriage certificates with ‘Wade Winston Wilson’ as one of the registered names. Maybe they didn’t say anything out of respect, or maybe some of them were nice enough to not look it up. Either way, he kept his suit on.

“Deadpool called this race the Kurvos, didn’t he?” Tony said, a large holographic model spanning the workshop. Thor, Bruce, Natasha, Steve, and Peter were looking up at a 3D rendering of the cube. “Looked them up while I was waiting for you all to get here, and seriously, Spider-man, did you run out of web fluid or something? I was expecting you here thirty seconds after me.”

“…I was talking to Steve?” Peter managed, jutting a thumb to the man in question. Tony huffed.

“Fine. No alien tech hacking for you, then. Already did it.” He spread his hands and the rendering of the cube ‘opened’, so to speak. “And you guys are _not_ going to like what’s inside.”

“No?” Steve said, eyes flicking over the specs with a frown.

“The actual race of aliens we fought today aren’t the Kurvos at all – they’re a more primitive species that don’t have a name, so far as we know from the data, here. I’m sure they named themselves, but history’s written by the victors and all that. And in this case, that’s the Kurvos. According to Elle Woods over there,” Tony nodded at Thor, who grinned back, “they operate as a hive mind, remotely, and they developed _these_.” A section of shifting mass inside the cube was highlighted and enlarged.

“Nanites?” Peter suggested. Tony snapped his fingers at him.

“Got it in one. They’re different than what I use. More bio than mechanically focused, but they’re self-sufficient, and their ability to multiply is honestly insane.”

“Okay?” Natasha said, raising her eyebrows. “So do they turn into more soldiers or weapons, or –”

“It turns _us_ into weapons for the Kurvo,” Thor spoke up, face shifting into a grim expression. "I had merely heard of them before, but their technology is unique."

“We took one of the aliens back with us to examine it," Bruce added, "and their brains are – well, we don’t know what an original one looks like, exactly, but we could see a heavy presence of these nanites throughout their body, and concentrated heavily in the brain itself.”

“The ‘leader’ so to speak was meant to interact with us, and most likely shatter this cube with their weapons, which were of Kurvo origin,” Tony continued, “after that, it would only be a matter of time before the nanites would enter us, and our brains and we’d be... what’s the word, here. Assimilated? Brainwashed? Turned into meat puppets?” He shrugged. “Wouldn’t be good, is what I’m saying.”

“What about the ship, then?” Peter asked, “and if these aliens have these nanites in their bodies already, isn’t that a risk?”

“The nanites are powered remotely, too, probably so that orders can be sent down to the troops,” Tony theorized. “The aliens and the ship are all controlled by the nanites, and when the Kurvo mothership or mother planet or mother – whatever – saw that the leader had fallen, the nanites intercepted – they shut everything down.”

“An automatic kill switch,” Steve said, his voice going serious again. Tony nodded.

“Without a power source, they’re just back to being a run of the mill, Alien Invasion 101.” Everyone still stared at the cube warily.

“So what you’re saying is… if Deadpool hadn’t broken protocol…” Peter started.

“We’d all be in the middle of an Invasion of the Body Snatchers reboot, yeah,” Tony finished. “I need to put in a call to our other favorite Captain, see if she knows something about this race. Her or the Guardians, but between the two of them knowing what’s going on, I’ll hedge my bets with Carol. I’m hoping the defeat today meant the Kurvos aren’t gonna waste resources on us any time soon, but who knows.” With that, Tony and Bruce started conversing amongst each other.

Natasha spared Steve and Peter a glance as she started to make her way to the exit. “Yet another alien threat for SHIELD to worry about,” she said, her face carefully neutral.

Steve didn’t quite manage the same poker face. Who knew how bad Peter looked – he could just imagine how pale he was under the mask. He had to consciously force his mouth to stop gaping.

“I don’t know how Wade knew about those guys,” he said quietly. The man did have a few off-planet contacts for weird weapons, so it was probably that. “He must not have realized what they were until it was too late to tell any of us.”

"Aye, even I was fooled. It is rare for me to say it, but we should be thanking that man." Thor and Steve shared a grave look, and Steve nodded a moment later.

"You're right," Peter said. "I – I need to go find him.”

“Aw, leaving so soon?” Tony said, glancing back at him. He gestured at the rendering of the cube, nanites still floating around in the harmless projection. “You only play mad scientist with us when the world’s ending.”

“And we’re very glad that the world isn’t ending _yet,”_ Steve said pointedly. Tony held his hands up, and Steve looked back at Peter. “Spider-man, when you find Deadpool, tell him… tell him he made the right call. His spot on the team isn’t in jeopardy. And –” Steve seemed to be thinking of the words, or how to force them out, “we are... grateful for him finding that out before things got a lot worse than property damage.”

“Did I just hear Captain America apologize?” Tony muttered to Bruce. “Pinch me, I’m dreaming – ow!”

“Sorry,” Bruce said, not sounding particularly sorry at all.

Steve studiously ignored the both of them, and Peter nodded at the man. “Can do,” he said. He didn’t have the heart to offer a closing quip, or even a lazy salute to the Captain, because the next second he was in a full-on sprint, leaving the building through the first open window and webbing his way back to their apartment, hoping Wade would be there when he arrived.

 

-

 

“Wade, you home?” Peter asked, edging the door open. He had to collect his backpack before going home, and decided to change and stop by that one churro stand by Barnard that they had been meaning to try and kept forgetting. “I brought food, and apologies.”

“Food first,” Wade said, as Peter walked into the living room. Wade was out of his costume, smelling like soap and the laundry detergent from the fresh set of clothes he was wearing. Peter handed him the grease marked bag, not holding back the small smile that formed when Wade opened it up and oohed over its contents.

Wade settled back on their couch and uncapped some chocolate sauce, dipping the churro in and taking a relishing bite. “These are so good. Is this that new place?”

“Yeah. Figured it was, you know – the least I could do for you after you saved the world.” Wade looked up at him.

“Is this the apology part?” he asked, still working on the churro.

“We – well, Tony and Bruce analyzed the cube, realized what was inside it, what would have happened if it got smashed open,” he said. He had dug his ring out of his backpack along with his street clothes, and couldn’t help but twist the gold band on his finger nervously. “Steve told me to apologize on his behalf, and for the rest of the Avengers, too. He’s glad you caused some property damage.” Peter took a breath, and leaned forward, putting his hand on Wade’s knee. “And I’m sorry, too. I know I’ve broken protocol and ignored Steve, Tony, and any other hero I’ve ever worked with if I thought for even one second I was right. I should’ve had your back, I should’ve known you had some sort of reason for doing what you did before you even pulled out that cube.” He was about to pull back when Wade snorted, reached forward, and pulled Peter over, making him have to readjust his balance until he was nestled up against Wade’s side.

“It’s fine, really. I guess I didn’t exactly explain my plan to everyone before going through with it – it was a split second thing. I only realized they were being controlled by the Kurvos because I saw that cube their leader was holding.”

“You did see it before then? Saw what they could do?”

“Yeah, got one of those sicced on me last time I had a great big space adventure.” Peter stared at him, eyes wide. “Hey, I was okay – it was like dealing with a regular ol’ telepath. I was under for a few minutes, till the brain tumors started getting too big and my healing factor had to destroy them. The nanotechnology kept getting shuffled around or absorbed by my cells and I broke out. But I knew to stay out of _that_ part of the galaxy after that.”

“I don’t know how to feel about that,” Peter said carefully, forcing himself to relax against Wade’s side. If he had a mental breakdown over any time Wade went into a weird situation that would have killed _literally anyone else,_ he wouldn’t even be able to function anymore.

“Feel happy that we’re all fine – minus property damage – and split these churros with me,” Wade said, putting the bag in Peter’s lap.

“Alright. I can do that.” He took one out and – “Oh, these are _stupid_ good. Why have we not had these until now?”

“Right? I was totally going to make you grovel for my forgiveness, but these are too delicious, my pride just couldn’t stand up to authentic Mexican pastries.” Peter snorted.

“I’m still sorry, you know,” he said, once the churros were all gone and the news channel that Wade had been tuned into when Peter first arrived shifted into one of the various singing competition shows that littered the public channels. He felt Wade shrug a shoulder.

“Being a hero isn’t about being thanked and having someone roll the red carpet out for you,” he said. “You taught me that.”

“You _hate_ that about being a hero, Wade,” Peter said, not unkindly. It wasn’t news to either of them that saving the world was a thankless job, but it didn’t make it sting any less.

“Yeah, but I’ve gotten better at accepting it – ‘sides, saving the world can be pretty selfish, too. I happen to have a lot of things going for me right here,” he said, nudging Peter and sending him a grin. “Be a shame to let that all go.”

“Yeah, saving the world and sharing desserts – pinnacle of being a selfish asshole,” Peter said, rolling his eyes. “…Thankless job or no, I can at least admit when I’m wrong. And get you snacks as an apology when I am.” Wade looked at him for a moment, before the start of another, softer smile started to take hold.

Peter kissed him before he could see what the final version of that smile looked like, but he could still feel the curve of Wade’s lips against his own, sweet and a little sticky from the street food.

“Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the prompt was 'Peter thinks people are making jokes at Wade's expense' but all these chapters are just 'people are judging Wade and Peter assumes they're being awkward? or something?' so I hope no one is reading these hoping for some amazing Wade roasts - Peter is probably the best at roasting Wade anyway, second to Weasel, tbh. 
> 
> Gonna call it right now that I am one of those people who saw Endgame and came away from it loving Tony as usual and thinking Steve had a lil bit of Dumb Bitch disease so I'm hoping that did not carry over in this fic and I wrote him decently.

**Author's Note:**

> Just finished Daredevil season 2 like 3 years late. Have not read enough of his comics to confirm/deny, but in the show, Matt Murdock can apparently tell when someone's in love by their heartbeat. I mean what sort of Victorian era romance nonsense is that? I love it.
> 
> I'm gonna do one character per chapter - if you have a certain character/scenario you'd like to see play out, let me know in the comments!


End file.
